Feather Quest Chapter 1

Feather Quest




Smooth stone and rough timber stood proudly amongst the viridian blades of tall grass forming the silhouette of a simple house, filled with the sounds of clattering dishes and slamming doors.  Hundreds of earthen tiles shimmered in the warm light of the sunrise as the sky turned from deep purple to luscious pinks and peaches, promising a bright new day.  A flurry of smells wafted from the open shudders, teasing passers by with hints of griffin egg omelettes and fresh baked honey bread, and simultaneously threatening them with the burnt stink of broiled tomb fish.  And dancing in the rising light of dawn, a tarnished silver shield with the symbol of the Five Moons tried its best to look noble through the endless scars from uncountable battles.

Few folks even bothered to notice the house, the shield, the smells, or the sounds as they hurriedly bumbled along their busy way up and down the winding market street.  Most residents of the Imperial City had long since forgotten about the House of Five Moons.  Even though her long and lonesome history would soon be destined once again for adventure and renown.  Even though her tarnished shield would once again ring with the victorious clang of battles won, and shine forth with the valour only triumph can bring.  And even though the five new inhabitants of her cosy rooms were about to begin the greatest quest in the history of this world.

Although a few of them did cringe a bit as the tomb fish stink continued to billow out and violate their poor nostrils.  And the noisy clatter of dishes was soon joined by the rather unpleasant melody of a heroic voice engaging in a most unfortunate attempt at song.

"The sky shall raaaaaiiiiin with the arrows..." squealed the gorgeous warrior as she happily set the chipped dishes onto the round wooden table in the middle of their little kitchen.

Thick waves of delicious orange hair flowed delightfully down her shoulders, like a waterfall catching the rays of a perfect sunset.  Bright as dragon emeralds and twice as green, her heart-stopping viridian eyes glowed beautifully, framed by long red lovely lashes.  The freckles that glowed on her cheeks and speckled here and there all over her perfect body might have been a flaw for some, but for her they spotted a unique visage that made most would-be evil doers feel a pounding in their chests, even before they saw the might of her sword.

Fit but feminine, her lithe body had been honed in the hundreds of battles in which she had already claimed victory even at her tender age of only twenty five.  Adorned already in her golden chest plate that proved positively that such a delightful perky chest should be bronzed for all to appreciate.  Her fair and sexy tummy was left bare, leading down to her chain-mail skirt, with scuffed armoured planks carrying the mark of a warrior of the light.

Long powerful legs, smelted in the fires of decades of training curved sensuously down to her terribly soft bare feet.  Scampering about, performing her all-important duties as the Shield Bearer, her pale pink soles kept sinking into the deep fur of their kitchen rug, making her tremble imperceptibly in an unknown indulgence.  Unequalled in battle, ridiculously talented in the bladed arts, and gifted in the Paladin magic of the Order of Light, this scarlet-haired leader was determined not to let her regrettable assignment to the House of Five Moons be more than a challenge to triumph over.  Yeah.  She was gonna whip these girls into shape.  And it was all gonna begin today.

Watching the light bounce off of her, one could see that the name chosen for her by the Empress herself couldn't have been more appropriate, for Victoria was every inch the perfect symbol of the Paladin code.  Every inch, except that one small quirk that seemed to have landed her in her current situation: begrudging leader to the least prestigious of the thirteen houses of the Imperial Elite Training Academy.

She had tried so damn hard to rid herself of the one trait that seemed to be holding her back.  But little did she realise that her weakness would soon become her strength, that her flaw would soon become her most powerful asset, and that her shame would soon become her greatest glory.

So finally finished with her breakfast preparations, she thought she might softly rouse her still-slumbering housemates with the sweet harmony of her voice.  And in a tone usually reserved for falcon training, she sweetly parted her pink lips and let the notes slide clumsily off of her perfect tongue.

"Hail, O' hail...the ones that hold the shield," sang the beaming warrior as rays of golden sunlight filled the room around her.  "And sing, O' siiiiiing..."

"Could I pay you to stop screeching like that?"  Snapped a husky voice, in her gloomiest and groggiest tone.  "I thought it was my job to wake the dead."

"Morning Dee Dee," Victoria smiled happily at her new house mate as she reluctantly oozed down the creaking wooden stairs.  Being charitable as she was, the beautiful paladin decided she was gonna give it a few more days for these girls to warm up to her.  After that she was gonna start rolling some heads.

"Ugh," answered Dee Dee as she thudded down the last steps and shuffled, like a doomed prisoner to the gallows, toward the sunny breakfast table.   "Why in the name of all that is unholy are we up at this hour again?  I didn't even know they still made 6am."

No one in the house really knew how the delectable, albeit pale and sour, Dee Dee had gotten her nickname, but somehow they all knew she had once been called something else by someone.  She was way too mysteriously dark to be named something as cute as Dee Dee.

Someone at the Imperial academy once suggested that it might have something to do with the gorgeous necromancer's cup-size.  That particular joke died rather quickly when a squadron of undead descended upon the poor gal, and proceeded to give her the most ferocious wedgie imaginable.  Her unfortunate classmate couldn't have known that the gorgeous Dee Dee derived her name from an ancient tattoo on her left ankle, written in the long since deceased language of an extinct guild of dark magic lords.  Abandoned in a hollowed bull skull at the gates of the Imperial city at the tender age of 3 months, the wisest of the court worked tirelessly to decipher the code, as they took in the child to be raised by their own.  They were able only to decrypt the first two words:  Deity and Dead.  A master in resurrecting, controlling, and wielding the dearly departed. But ya can't very well call a young girl that.  So Dee Dee seemed to be a reasonable substitute.

Of course, to be fair, the comments made about her figure were more than accurate.    The impressive swell of Dee Dee's voluptuous chest would likely have been enough to raise the dead, if her unparalleled abilities as a necromancer should somehow falter.  This morning her pale peaks seemed even more pertly displayed than usual, being pushed together delightfully under the oily cling of a very small black leather bodice.  In fact this morning, Dee Dee, groggy and grumbly though she was, looked almost painfully beautiful.  As if to look at her dark radiance might scar the eyes forever, like an empty glass, shattered by a drink too perfect to be contained.

If one was able to get past the fantastic curve of her breasts, they would easily be captured by the ravenous beauty of her porcelain face, her deadly violet eyes that swirled with the power to control the dammed, her luscious purple lips, or her flowing obsidian hair.  Allowing your eyes to slowly slide down the silky contours of her perfect alabaster skin you would notice the gentle motion of her naked tummy, and the sensual flair of her hips, and the amazing roundness of her barely concealed bottom, wrapped in a black leather skirt which shimmered in an otherworldly dark aura.  Silken black nylons traced imperfect diagonal lines around her sexy thighs, like the inescapable web of a shadow spider, leaving a brutally tempting hint of pale flesh bare between her skirt's ending, and the nylon's beginning.  And apparently not quite ready for her boots yet, her teeny feet were encased snugly in a pair of black fuzzy slippers with a cute skull design on the tops.

Regardless of your feeling about necromancers, for there are certainly those that find them more than a little creepy to be around, there was no denying that there was something indefinably special about Dee Dee.  Her powers in the dark arts were unmatched beyond anyone's recollection, and her relationship with the dead went way beyond master and slave.  No, with Dee Dee it would be better described as a general and her troops.  The damned would brave the very gates of hell for her, and jump into the jaws of cerebus himself if she so commanded it.  

Ironic isn't it?  Banished to the lowest of the Thirteen Houses, not because of your faults, but because of your virtues.  Because those sitting comfortably in seats of authority quickly realised that the power within this twenty year old woman exceeded that of the entire Imperial Sorcerer's Council.  And that was enough to make those withered old folks just a little bit edgy about the beautiful Dee Dee.  That, and she really did seem to have some creepy habits.

"And why does it smell like burnt tomb fish down here?"  The stunning princess of the dead inquired as she plopped dramatically into the wooden chair and carefully set down her pet skull on the table.  "Mortimer does not approve."

"Well I didn't cook the fish for your skull," Victoria shrugged ambivalently, trying to keep a smile on her freckly face.  Swooping up the broiled fish on a cracked bone plate, with the accompanying champagne glass filled with a vaguely ominous crimson liquid, she politely rested the breakfast of champions in front of the yawning necromancer.  "And I thought I might surprise you with your favourite meal."

"Mmmmm..." Dee Dee sighed as she seductively engulfed the head of the stinky fish between her perfect purple lips, and crunched down approvingly.  "Not bad for your first time cooking tomb fish."

"Why thank you.  Once you get past the...MEEEE HEEEEEE!"  The lovely paladin began graciously, only to be interrupted by an unwanted squeal erupting from within her  carefully controlled veneer.

Something had brushed against her naked side in the most wickedly ticklish manner.  Something behind her.  Something...oh, of course.  How could she not have guessed...it was something named Sasha.

"Ya...you startled me," Victoria lied, trying desperately to recover, and not let her companions notice the fiery blush burning across her cheeks.  "I didn't hear you come in."

Sasha replied soundlessly with a dazzling smile, as she passed her two new house mates and headed toward the kitchen, her adorable white bunny hopping happily in her wake.

"Would you like some omelette, or um...maybe some tomb fish?"  Victoria stammered as she continued to collect herself, trying not to imagine what the sensationally attractive brunette looked like under that fur coat.

They say that mystery is the soul of romance, and as her housemates were quickly discovering with Sasha, their resident Druidess, sometimes the less you know the more interested you become.  No one had seen Sasha without her full-length fur coat covering her from her neck down to her sexy bare toes, but the classical beauty of her face was enough to convince them that the rest of the package must be equally as enticing.  The exotic curves that moved from within the coat were enough to suggest that an exceptional figure lay beneath that furry cloak, and as she swayed sensuously around the house in perfect silence, her housemates couldn't help but stare and wonder.

Long earthen hair curled down from her head in wavy ringlets and bounced hypnotically with the cat-like grace of her movements.  Deep brown eyes, like caramel stirred into milk chocolate, gave her a sweetness that would make your teeth hurt from across the street.  An inquisitive amusement seemed to manifest itself across her sublime face, occasionally punctuated with a blinding white smile, which made the beautiful Sasha seem like there was a lot more happening inside that talented mind of hers than she was willing to reveal.  

All this was compounded by the fact that the hot Druidess rarely opened her sexy pink lips for more than a few choice words at a time.  They had guessed that she was likely about the same age as Victoria, and they knew definitively that she was born of the exceptionally rare sign of the wolf, given her uncanny ability to control the various animals that had approached the house in the last few days.  That and the small tattoo on the side of her neck that vanished under the sinfully secretive collar of her plush fur coat.  Although they couldn't see the whole thing, they all recognised the ornate pattern, and the trademark light blue ink of the Druid clan.  And the little bunny that seemed to follow her everywhere kinda put the cherry on top of that particular theory.

What she had done to get stuck with her assignment to the house of the Five Moons was anyone's guess.  They just all sort of figured that she'd open up once they got to know her.  But they had each noticed that her magical aura seemed to overflow with affection and brim with love at all times.  And they had each noticed on several occasions that upon her arrival into a room, they would often receive a very tickly touch on their unsuspecting bodies.  But so far, none of them had been able to catch her in the act.

"What do you think?"  Continued the scarlet paladin, as she watched Sasha bend over to pull something out of the fridge.  "Can I fix you something?  The griffin eggs are..."

"Oh, no thank you," the lovely Druidess replied tenderly, approaching the table with an overflowing bowl of cereal.  "I don't eat things that had parents."

"Okay," Victoria scratched her head in frustration.  A vegetarian warrior in the Imperial Elite Academy.  That was a new one.  "Would bunny like some lettuce?"

"Bunny would love some lettuce," Sasha smiled appreciatively, and helped her pink-nosed rabbit onto the table next to Dee Dee's pet skull.  Apparently they didn't have a lot of irony in the Druid clans either.

"Alrighty then, lettuce for bunny," Victoria rolled her eyes as she rummaged through the produce bin for something green.  But she couldn't help but smile a little at the syrupy innocence of her new Druid hotty.

"Would Mortimer like to eat some lettuce?"  Sasha offered to the necromancer at her left, while she broke Victoria's leafy treat into smaller bits.

"Actually," Dee Dee grumbled, crunching down on the last bite of tomb fish with a bone-chilling crackle.  "Mortimer would like to eat bunny."

"Oh really?"  Sasha leaned toward her pale-skinned pal, and snuck her hand under the large wooden table.  "Shall we arrange a little duel between my bunny and your former head, then?

"I think thaEEEEEE HEEEEEEEE HWEEEEEE!"  Dee Dee cackled melodiously as Sasha gently squeezed the little pale white skin above the necromancer's black thigh-high nylons.  The entire table clattered loudly as Dee Dee slammed her knees upward in surprise.  Mortimer just looked on, with his jaw slightly ajar.

"IEEEEE HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HAAAAAAAAAAA!"  Squealed the hot necromancer, while the teasing druidess tickled her thigh under the heavy wooden table.

In her flailing, Dee Dee reared up into the table, clattering dishes and spilling drinks, almost toppling the entire damn breakfast spread.  The silent druidess relented her naughty attack, with a loving smack on the necromancers blushing pale thigh.

Sasha leaned forward further, looking directly into the shocked violet eyes of her alabaster  housemate, and let a wicked smile creep across her flawless features...like she was just waiting for a reaction from the disoriented Dee Dee.  Victoria felt her entire mouth go dry, looking at the chemistry developing between these two.  Like many reactions in the world of alchemy, you put two unstable items in the same dish, and who knows what sort of reaction you're gonna get.

"Come on guys," the paladin finally managed, wanting to avoid an all out brawl their first week in the Academy.  "Let's not fight."

"A fight?"  Came a loud growl from upstairs.  The timber and stone of the house trembled and quaked with booming percussion as huge feet slowly descended the stairs, like an avalanche of boulders and honey.

Jozette pounded her way into the small kitchen and yawned her gaping maw in a tired, and incredibly sexy stretch with her arms reaching all the way up to the ceiling boards.  "What's this about a fight?"

"Nothing."  Dee Dee quickly sighed, swirling the arterial liquid in her glass against the light.  "Just a little misunderstanding, tons of fun.  Don't get your loin cloth in a bunch."

"Too bad," grinned the towering green beauty, continuing her exotic sleepy stretch, peppered with the occasional breathy grunt.  "A little ruckus this morning woulda been just fine with me."

The thought that her housemates were utterly ogling her fantastically fit green body would never even have occurred to Jozette.  But then again, Orc are not really known for being the most self-aware of creatures.

Standing at an intimidating six and a half feet tall, and sporting a physique that most goddesses would have been in envy of, Jozette Juhnka was quite the sight to behold.  Somehow she possessed that perfect combination of powerful musculature and feminine grace that made her look incredibly ferociously formidable, and at the same time, irresistibly unbelievably hot.  Toned green skin rippled delicately over her glimmering figure, covered only with a beige loincloth, barely covering her perfectly rounded ass, and an impossibly small animal skin top, which did almost nothing to cover her mountainous breasts.

A tummy which flexed lightly with each breath revealed the delicious tone of her abs, and iron thighs strained as she bent onto her tippy toes and practically lifted the roof at the crescendo of her morning stretch.  Strong biceps bulged as she bent way down into the fridge, and her war hammer clanked loudly against the cool slate floor.  Worn leather boots wrapped around her gigantic green feet, and creaked as she wiggled back and forth, making her breakfast selection.  Her short olive-colored hair fell seductively in her face, tickling her cute button nose.  And she squinted her almond shaped icy blue eyes at the rack of venison left over from Vicky's last hunt.

A metal choker encased her lovely throat, and provided such a sexy accent to her wardrobe that it was easy to overlook the obvious:  that a more appropriate term for the bolted steel would be a collar.  How a young warrior of only twenty would have such a sordid past as to have been collared in such a way, or the true tale behind Jozette's piercing blue eyes remained an enigma.  A girl at school had asked about it a year or two ago, and the resultant fight was one of the many that landed the gorgeous green bruiser in the house of shame.  Anyone who even lived near the Imperial City had likely seen Juhnka in the midst of a fight, and one thing was for absolute certain, that girl was born for the fury of war.  By far the mightiest orc berserker ever to wield an axe since the days of Helmhas Bonefist, her ancestral roar was more than enough to make her foes drop to the ground and kiss their asses good bye.

"Ya want some griffin eggs with your venison?"  Victoria finally inquired, shaking them all out of their gawking trance as the Orc vixen strode toward the breakfast table.

"Nah," Jo answered, practically splintering a rickety chair under the delightful burden of her almost bare backside.  "This'll be fine."

"Oh tell me you're not..." Sasha began quietly, watching the Orc hungrily lift the raw deer meat to her jade lips and tear off a huge bite.  "Yup, you did."

"Yummy," smiled the green bruiser with pink bits of meat falling to the table, as she munched loudly.  "My kinda breakfast."

"Do skulls vomit?"  Dee Dee sighed irritatedly, looking at her deceased pet.  "Cuz I think Mortimer is about to."

"Yeah, bunny is about to lose his lettuce," Sasha stuck out her pink tongue in an expression of disgust.  "Can I get you a bib?"

"Only if I can get you a stretcher," Jo replied with a growl and ripped off another enormous piece of flesh.

"Seriously, you guys..." Victoria began, feeling herself begin to lose her temper.  "We've got some really important stuff to do today."

"What crap are we doing again?"  Dee Dee sipped her beverage, turning her lips a deep crimson before she sensuously licked them clean.

"We're going to Fort Kinhalton," the patient paladin reminded her motley crew.  "To hopefully find a little treasure, and begin our fund-raising project on the right foot.

You see a big part of the Elite Academy was that each of the Thirteen Houses was responsible for contributing to the Imperial treasury as an aspect of their training.  As a bonus, the House that brings in the most booty over the course of the year gets the distinction of the Imperial Cross, the most valourous and sought after of commendations within the academy.  It also pretty much means that you can kiss your weekends good bye, and enjoy the thrilling sewage-like bouquet that comes with exploring dragon caves, collapsed tombs, abandoned dungeons, and old haunted forts.  Why treasure is never found in nice places with sandy beaches and hula girls is beyond me.  But never the less, Victoria and every other gals in the House of Five Moons knew their ticket out of this shameful assignment was to win that cross.

Fort Kinhalton was one such potentially treasure-rich, stink infested, probably crawling with evil critters sorta place.  The kind of spot you hope you never have to visit, and definitely not the locale you want to hang around in and meet interesting people.  But an ancient tome, and village legend, compiled through exhausting late night tome-work, had convinced the scarlet paladin that they might find a payload so big at the smelly old fort that it would get their first week in elite training off to a smashing start.  Yes, this was the moment she'd been waiting for.  This was her chance to finally elevate her prestige and leave behind those silly incidents with the fire brigade that had tarnished her otherwise flawless reputation.

"Didn't you hear, Red?"  Sasha winced slightly and shrugged regretfully.  "The Tree Shields already raided Kinhalton on Wednesday night."

"Noisy pointy-eared stick wavers," Jo snarled absently and ruthlessly ripped off more  uncooked flesh for emphasis.  "Did they find anything?"

"Just some poison lily-rash," Dee Dee smiled vengefully.  "Just wait till they see what happens when they scratch it."

"Oh no," Victoria exhaled in defeat and slumped down into the rough embrace of the chair behind her.  "Now what the heck are..."

"Ack!"  A small voice declared from the upstairs banister, before dramatically thumping and rolling down the stairs in a cacophonous combination of squeals and grunts.  Landing with a triumphant little boom at the base of the stairs, and releasing a breathless chirp of anguish, the last member of the house arrived downstairs for breakfast.

"Morning Trixie," Victoria rolled her eyes at the unmoving body on the ground before them.

"It's called walking, twinkle toes," Dee Dee taunted humourlessly to the poor grey cutie lying face down on the surprisingly hard wood.  "Might wanna try it on even ground before you attempt the stairs again."

"I think I broke my pancreas," Trixie suggested while she slowly steadied herself on her feet, and proceeded to demurely dust herself off.   

"I'm sure you'll be fine," Victoria encouraged, unable not to grin at the clumsy entrance of their resident shadow elf, and even further unable to ignore the delightful details of her adorable physique.

The shortest of all the gals, Trixie stood at only about five foot two, and had the most delicious petite frame painted in the distinctive gray tone of her race.  Teeny size four feet barely fit her larger white booties, and you could see her very unwarrior-like pink ankle socks with every unsure step she took.  Her smooth legs lead from sexy calves to thick and muscular thighs that looked much taller than they really were.  The lovely curve of her tight bum swayed wonderfully back and forth in her tight white fitted shorts, and rode low on her hips, exposing more of her lithe tummy for all to see.

Smaller but tremendously perky breasts pressed anxiously against the shimmering pearly tube top, and gave her such a youthful eroticism that it was very difficult to focus on much else once Trixie entered the room.  Her bare neck lead up to her kind and radiant face.  Kissable pouting lips, a perfect button nose, and pure pitch black eyes gave the spell caster a puppy-like innocence that would melt a Snow Goblin.  Jutting out unpredictably like icy spires, her pure white hair was cropped in an adorable desheveled pixie cut.

Also being the youngest of the house at only eighteen years old, the talented Trixie had already earned tremendous respect at the Academy as one of the greatest magical students in a couple hundred years.  The small bag of alchemical ingredients hanging low from her diminutive belt held some of the deadliest sorcery of the Highlands, and of the elusive groups of shadow elves that call those icy peaks their home.  And the amazing command of spoken hexations uttered from her innocent-looking mouth was enough to incinerate, poison, explode, dissolve, obliterate, or ensnare even the strongest of foes.

Hailed as a child prodigy of the black sciences, Trixie was the youngest student ever accepted for initial training, at the tender age of five.  Unfortunately, whether due to her young age, or her general lack of experience, she was also what you might call a little klutzy.  Remember when the entire alchemy centre detonated in green flame?  Well let's just say that was enough to land the dangerously attractive, and hazardously hot little elf in the house of punishment until she learned to focus her skills, and not annihilate her professors.

"If I die from a broken pancreas," Trixie frowned as she cracked her back and pounced happily on her chair at the breakfast table.  "I hope you all feel guilty for not saving me."

"Well if you die," Dee Dee sneered playfully.  "I'll resurrect you as my retarded zombie servant."

"Mahlek Chie," Trixie incanted under her breath, and gestured across the table toward the wicked necromancer, like she was flicking water from her fingers.

"What was that?"  Dee Dee giggled at the apparent dud of a spell, as she looked herself up and down and found absolutely no magical effect.  "I swear your casting is almost as clumsy as your walking."

"Guys," Victoria protested, feeling the heat behind her eyes.  "Knock it off.  This isn't getting us anywhere."

"Yeah," Sasha softly agreed, gently petting Bunny, and stirring her cereal.  "Can't we all just snuggle instead?"

"Go ahead and beat the snot out of each other," Jo encouraged with a dazzling flash of her fangs.  "And then I'll fight whoever is still standing."

"I'm serious," the paladin threatened again, feeling a simmering warmth growing within her body.  "Don't."

"Maybe I'll just hurt ya a little," Dee Dee hissed seductively, and swallowed the last remnants of crimson fluid in her chalice. "A few drops of blood to refill my glass."

"You wish.  Everyone knows it's just cranberry juice anyway," Trixie retorted, reaching slowly into her bag, sensing the approaching storm.  "Besides, if we're gonna fight, you might want to put some new clothes on first."

"Snap," Jo smirked mischievously looking across the table at the necromancer's face as she flushed a dark shade of pink across her pale features.   

The front of her corset had become completely transparent, revealing the glory of her gorgeous alabaster breasts still imprisoned beneath.  Now technically, Trixie had intended to cast an itching powder spell, and not an invisibility spell.  But she sure wasn't complaining about the results.

"You filthy little..." Dee Dee gasped, quickly crossing her hands over her ample bosom, and kicking back her chair.

"Now we're talking!" Jo bared her teeth and splintered her chair while she leapt to her feet, holding her half eaten raw venison like she was gonna smack someone with it.

"Oh baby," Trixie giggled pleasantly, wiggling her backside back and forth, with her hand still menacingly poised within her bag of tricks.  "Time to blow something up!"

"Hey!" Victoria shouted as she tried to fight the rising sensation that welled up from the depths of her soul.  It was back.  She saw the flames.  She saw them inside of herself.

"It's go time," Dee Dee yelled and flexed a part of her mind that few can even access.  In a shower of broken wood and fecund earth two skeletons burst forth from beneath the floor boards.  One snarled, holding his severed left arm like an axe in his right hand.  The other snatched the cereal spoon from Sasha's hand, spilling her bowl of milk all over poor Bunny.  "Girls, meet Bob and Harriet."

"You're making Bunny upset," Sasha narrowed her eyes, and jumped up to her feet, holding a surprisingly intimidating looking milk-soaked Bunny in her arms.  "I don't think you want to see Bunny when he's upset."

"I got dibs on the skeletons," growled the beautiful green Orc as she pivoted her back foot, and slammed the deer meat down on the table like a war hammer.  "I won't feel as guilty pounding them back into the floor boards."

"Ewww," Trixie crumpled her nose, still ready to unleash her black magic fury.  "We have dead people buried under the house?  I'm so totally calling the zoning commission on Monday."

Mortimer snarled.  Dee Dee unleashed her undead domestics.  Sasha prepared to throw off her fur coat.  Bunny wiggled his little pink nose.  Jo howled the blood thirsty call of impending altercation.  And Trixie began to cast a spell that would make them all wish they stayed in bed that morning.

"Enough!"  Victoria shouted with the fiery rage erupting from within her.  Her orange hair flickered like a structure fire as she unsheathed her mighty sword.  The very metal of the blade exploded in red hot flame as she plunged the tip into Jo's venison meat-club and through the wooden table.  The crackling of roasting meat and burnt wood filled the air as her house mates turned toward the fiery paladin in awe and raised their eyebrows.

Dee Dee was so stunned she forgot to cover her chest and placed her hands seductively on her hips.  Sasha held her ground, still crouched in ass-kicking readiness, but definitely took the opportunity to admire the half-naked necromancer from the corner of her eye.  Trixie just looked baffled, and tried not to burst out laughing when she noticed the skeletons were very quietly slipping back underneath the floor and re-burying themselves.  And Juhnka and Victoria stared each other down, as they glared into each other's fiery eyes, daring the other to make another move.

"Dead things taste much better once they've been cooked," the ravenous paladin uttered carefully, while her sword continued to gently flicker in orange flame.  Mortimer clicked his jaw in terror, and time seemed to pass in slow motion.

"Um...I think our paladin just blew up," Trixie giggled in giddy bafflement.  "Should I go get the fire extinguisher?"

"So that's why you got stuck with us here at Five Moons, eh?" Jo snarled playfully, leaning across the table at her powerful adversary.  "The Passionfire, huh?  I knew there was something I liked about you.  Maybe I won't have to mop the floor with your pink butt after all."

"Now's the time to try," Victoria whispered as her flames grew even higher.

All five gals locked eyes around the small table, and held their ground as the tension rose like the flames on the paladin's blade.

Suddenly a shrill sirens' cry pierced the stony silence, scaring the heck out of the combat-locked rabble of warrior hotties.

A sound that seemed to emanate from the harp of hell itself.

And the real question was: who the hell was ringing their doorbell at 6am anyway?